Picking up the Pieces

  “The start is the end, the end is the start” Sometimes life passes you by. Other times big things happen that feel like you are on the cusp of something that will change your life forever. Letting go of the old. Moving through the threshold into the new. This isn’t always all smiles and laughter. A lot of times it can bring apprehension and fear of the unknown that is beckoning you forward. Maybe starting a new job, launching a new idea, changing your hair colour, getting married, grief, telling someone how you feel, having a baby, going a different route to work, owning a house, loss, signing a contract, meeting new people, using a different font in your email signature, moving country…. The list goes on. Some of these things might seem bigger than others but they are all relative to each person’s individual threshold. I’ve moved through a few of these this year. And it’s weird, each time I move through a threshold, that becomes my new norm and I forget that I was once apprehen...

More. Optimise. In Summer. Be. On. Show Constantly wanting to harvest, in Autumn, reaping what we sow  What happens to the other seasons that are getting skipped? Parts of our humanity and planet stolen, starved, stripped   Corrupted by Convenience, looking for the easy way Has led to paths that may be leading us astray  "Do it this way, save more time, look younger, be better"  Everything comes at a cost, so who is paying the debt collector? Debts of skipped processes, rushing through seasons missed Winter and Spring waiting to be added back on to the list  Winter, the pause in the dark, can seem like an unwanted place to be  But if understood and experienced correctly, can uncover depth to what we see  Spring, taking time to create strong foundations for seeds to take root  In a world that wants fast results now, it can be hard to compute  Systems are made up of individuals who have a choice to make Will we change our trajectory f...

On the run, away from me My body didn’t feel safe to be Constantly running, putting out fires Meant my internal system got some crossed wires Inner fear clouded my judgement and sight Constantly swinging a sword ready to fight Slowly realising I don’t have become someone else Starting to uncover long lost parts of myself It's weird how when there was once a fire The body can struggle to see fighting is no longer required Accepting safety and security again, can be freeing Allowing myself time to enjoy just being Over time the world can teach us to put our armour up. Retreat behind the safety of distance.  I didn't realise I would have to remember how to trust the world again. Putting the sword down, accepting that this battle is at an end.  Phantom fighting no one and nothing out of habit.  The world has shown me kindness and beauty the past few months. Golden ticket opportunities. Once in a lifetime trips. People landing in my path opening doors to the beautiful lands I ...

  "I could be perfect and it still wouldn't be good enough" I had a stark realisation recently. If I keep going the way I am going, I will never be satisfied in life.   I was sitting in my hotel room last weekend, this beautiful hotel room that I had once dreamt of having and all I could think about was the next thing I had to do.  Next. More. Do. Better. Achieve. Optimise. Compare. Continually moving the goal posts, falling into the never enough trap.  Where did this start? Have I always had an insatiable hunger for more or has it been instilled in me over time?  Is it bad to have a want to grow? Is it bad to want to improve your life? My reflections this week made me realise these questions are a bit more complicated than a simple yes or no answer. "The things that invalidate you when you are younger can be the things that invalidate you for the rest of your life."    Steven Bartlett As I sat with myself. Noticing my inner need to keep moving, k...

Why does it take an accident,  Before the truth gets through to us? Tick, Tick Boom One of the movies I watched on repeat when I turned 30 was Tick Tick Boom. Starting to unknowingly reevaluate my life.  This movie resonated with something deep inside that was questioning my choices and the choices of the world I was living in.  I didn't realise it would take an accident or big life event just over a year later for the truth to finally start getting through to me.  My whole personality was built on knowing exactly what to say at the exact right time in the exact right way.  Scared to let people truly in. I thought I was open to others but I was covering tracks even from myself.  That version of me was drowning in low self worth. Years and years of conditioning. People pleasing.  The vocational teacher in me, looking out for everyone else's needs and wants.  Remaining outwardly regulated resulted in me becoming inwardly fractured.  Hijacking m...

 🎨✨ Life in Colour ✨🎨 For a while,  Life inside was pretty dark Recently, with people and places,  I’m finding my spark  For a while, I could only see in black and white  Beginning to see life in colour again  Getting brand new sight  I was afraid for a while  The switch was off for good  Now I’m beginning  to feel less misunderstood  People can wear pain, spreading darkness that can destroy  My body starting to learn  Life is safe now to enjoy  Letting down the wall  That was intended to protect  Because if I keep it up  My pain will inflict and project  Opening up to  New paths of possibility  Allowing myself to  Enjoy creating this new reality  ——————— This year I’ve been hurt pretty bad. And the hurt brought up more hurt I was suppressing for years.  Last week was a big one. Lots of different adventures all rolled into a few days.  One of the stand out parts for ...