Feel Safe to Be


On the run, away from me
My body didn’t feel safe to be

Constantly running, putting out fires
Meant my internal system got some crossed wires

Inner fear clouded my judgement and sight
Constantly swinging a sword ready to fight

Slowly realising I don’t have become someone else
Starting to uncover long lost parts of myself

It's weird how when there was once a fire
The body can struggle to see fighting is no longer required

Accepting safety and security again, can be freeing
Allowing myself time to enjoy just being

Over time the world can teach us to put our armour up. Retreat behind the safety of distance. 

I didn't realise I would have to remember how to trust the world again. Putting the sword down, accepting that this battle is at an end. 

Phantom fighting no one and nothing out of habit. 

The world has shown me kindness and beauty the past few months. Golden ticket opportunities. Once in a lifetime trips. People landing in my path opening doors to the beautiful lands I have been wishing for. 

But something has been holding me back and I am starting to realise that something has been me. 

Treading carefully, afraid to make a wrong turn incase it all burns to the ground again. Or gripping on so tight that I suffocate it before it has a chance to grow. 

Accepting the fight is over can be tricky for our brains. All that our poor wee brains and bodies want to do is protect us. So much so, they can make up scenarios of what ifs and might bes so that we are on alert ready for the next attack, or distracted in dreamland. 


I've been hiding away in my work. Creating a safety net, getting lost in a world I know a lot about so that I don't have to look at the other parts of life asking to be seen. Realising fear of loosing everything again was starting to seep into my work life too.

Now that I have caught myself, I am finding it a bit funny. Laughing when I catch myself responding out of fear because it can be so automatic. The runaway train of thought, out the station and half way down the track before I even realise it has reacted. 

Trying to keep people and opportunities in their nice neat rows so that I can keep them in my false sense of security. 

I can't know how this magical, messy little life will unfold. All I do know is if I keep trying to control the flow, I will miss all the wonderful opportunities that are spontaneously showing up right now. 

Instead of trying to predict when the next battle might be, always being fight ready. 

I am learning to put the sword down, practicing playing with life. 

I've made friends with the dark. It's been teaching me a lot. Now, it's time to make friends with the light again. I think it will have a lot to share too....

Let's see where the world takes us tomorrow 🌎💚





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