Picture Perfect?

I think I was given some of the wrong pieces for my puzzle. 

Gifted traits from societal norms. 

Pieces of me forced together. 

Things passed down from years and years of generational conditioning. 

Picture perfect expectations of what we must do and achieve, then you can live your happiest life...... 

What happens if the narrow picture of what society says happiness is, isn't all it is cracked up to be? 

I got ✅ the house ✅ the car ✅ the engagement ✅ the promotion ✅ the education and so on. 

When I was left standing with nothing but the bag on my back and three boxes for storage with all my prized possessions (mostly books), everything else gone. 

Something inside me switched. I have seen life from a different angle and I don't think I will ever be able to go back. 

I'm not saying these things are wrong but many people might stay too long in the wrong places to try and get/keep them. 

For years I was trying to be the 'good girl'. Aiming to get good grades. Being a good partner. Doing a good job. Putting on a good smile. Not rocking the boat because I thought that other people had it figured out. So if they say that is the way to do it, it must be the way to do it? And I must follow along? 

But this year I have had a look at the picture made by my conditioning, realising I was given some amazing key pieces as well as lots of my puzzle stuck in places that just didn't fit.

Running on autopilot and wakening up wondering why I was driving in the wrong direction. 

Having lived in a variety of different cultures, I was always interested in exploring why people do what they do.  And one of my biggest takeaways is that from Japan to America, New Zealand to Ireland, the social conditioning is very similar and from what I saw lots of it based on shame and fear. 

'If you don't get good grades, you are not good enough' 

'The only way to be successful in life is if you get high grades, in subjects that society values' 

'If you don't achieve these things.... you. are. a. failure.' 

None of these things were explicitly said to me but from where I stand, it is the underlying norms that many people are judged by. Especially within the educational system and then we wonder why we have many adults growing up not having a clue who they are because the ability for critical, creative, independent thinking has been removed and their foundations left shaking beneath them. 

"When adults are stressed or in pain, the infant feels all that and takes it personally when they are forming their sense of self" 

"When my (significant adult mother, teacher, father, carer, grandmother) is unhappy then I am inadequate and not good enough because I can't make them happy."

Gabor Maté

Emotional Regulation is one of the most important things for a human to live an inner healthy life and our little humans growing up mostly learn this through watching the adults around them live their regulated or not so regulated lives. 

I listened to this a few years ago and it was recently brought back to me by a friend. This is such a good listen, I have attached the link if you are interested in listening. 

I love learning about how important our self story is, where it starts and how it forms. That voice in our head that tells many of us that we aren't good enough, that we need to be doing more, that we are only worthy of other people's attention and love if we give everything we have. 

This doesn't mean we have to blame the people in our foundations, for me it actually gives me so much more compassion and understanding because I myself am not the prettiest of pictures some days so how can I judge others. 

Most people doing the best they can with what they have from their own conditioning. It just opens up the possibility for conversation and rewiring.

Meeting people where they are actually at, not where we expect them to be. 

Reconditioning ourselves so that we can take ownership of our own lives, change outdated pattens, create different self stories throughout past generations and generations to come. 

In generations gone by, for many, these conversations were not accessible. You had to just get your head down and get on with it. I feel lucky to have been given the life I have so far and be in a generation where conversations about topics like these are taking place. 

Looking at ancient wisdoms as well as new discoveries, learning more about the brain and our internal worlds every day. 

I use to hate being alone, afraid to miss out, the last person standing at a party. This year I have spent a lot of time alone. And apart from the start of this year when the loneliness was pretty intense. I actually love my own time now. 

I realised I couldn't be alone because I hated the voice inside my head. The narrative escape like a run away train when left in silence. 

Rewiring and reconditioning a different script. 

And it is unbelievably freeing. 

Continuing to explore how we can rewire self stories as adults as well as create more open pathways and societal norms so that our little humans growing up can see the adults around them in regulated states. 

This doesn't mean that we don't have up and down days or up and down moments. That is what the human experience is. 

"It's not about what happens to us it is about what happens inside of us when something happens to us" Gabor Maté

It's about learning resourceful tools as adults so we can pass down resourceful tools to children and young people. Moving from reactionary states to more responsive ones. 

Academics are important, I firmly believe that. I just know that there is so much more to The Whole Human experience than just Academics it is an and, and. 

 

💡 Creativity and Confidence

🧠 Emotional and Social Regulation 

🌱 Growth and Curiosity 

🔥 Play and Passion 

✨ Accountability and Grit

Although what I am talking about here is big systematic shifts. 

I believe we can start with ourselves. Taking time to reflect on some of the self stories we are telling ourselves and reflecting on how these might be influencing and impacting our external choices and views of the world. 

Understanding our internal worlds allows us to have better relationships and contribute to society with stronger foundations. 

I have in no way got this sussed yet. But I am enjoying learning more about the pieces of the puzzle that I want to keep as well as just being in the picture as it is. 

"People are trying to hold an image up in the world, trying to be something for the world" Jim Carey 

When we start to let go of the picture we feel that we have to put forward it gives ourselves and others permission to just be. 

Some of our programmes have been running for years and looking inside with honesty can be a confronting experience. So, being kind to ourselves, having patience as we learn new options and create new pathways. 

I haven't listened to all his podcasts but I thought this was a good wee podcast listen while starting to explore this topic. 

My vision is for Picking up the Pieces and The Whole Human Hub to continue to move into systematic change. For now, I am just navigating my own wee self story... 

Let's see where the world takes us tomorrow 🌏