Picking up the Pieces

  "I could be perfect and it still wouldn't be good enough" I had a stark realisation recently. If I keep going the way I am going, I will never be satisfied in life.   I was sitting in my hotel room last weekend, this beautiful hotel room that I had once dreamt of having and all I could think about was the next thing I had to do.  Next. More. Do. Better. Achieve. Optimise. Compare. Continually moving the goal posts, falling into the never enough trap.  Where did this start? Have I always had an insatiable hunger for more or has it been instilled in me over time?  Is it bad to have a want to grow? Is it bad to want to improve your life? My reflections this week made me realise these questions are a bit more complicated than a simple yes or no answer. "The things that invalidate you when you are younger can be the things that invalidate you for the rest of your life."    Steven Bartlett As I sat with myself. Noticing my inner need to keep moving, k...

Why does it take an accident,  Before the truth gets through to us? Tick, Tick Boom One of the movies I watched on repeat when I turned 30 was Tick Tick Boom. Starting to unknowingly reevaluate my life.  This movie resonated with something deep inside that was questioning my choices and the choices of the world I was living in.  I didn't realise it would take an accident or big life event just over a year later for the truth to finally start getting through to me.  My whole personality was built on knowing exactly what to say at the exact right time in the exact right way.  Scared to let people truly in. I thought I was open to others but I was covering tracks even from myself.  That version of me was drowning in low self worth. Years and years of conditioning. People pleasing.  The vocational teacher in me, looking out for everyone else's needs and wants.  Remaining outwardly regulated resulted in me becoming inwardly fractured.  Hijacking m...